ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Randomize
