Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
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