Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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