What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Randomize
