In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize