I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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