Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Randomize
