im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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