Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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