I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
