so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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