There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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