I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
i now understand why vodka
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Are these your boobs on my camera?
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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