Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
