thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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