just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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