My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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