just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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