I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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