This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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