He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
