one might say we're banned from that church
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
