Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Do vagina's smell?
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Randomize
