i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
handjob tips. give me some.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
