ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Terrible idea I love it
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
You were trust falling into bushes
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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