Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
