yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
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