There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
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I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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