Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
