So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize