Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
