I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize