there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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