Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
how drunk are you?
Several
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
