I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
