the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
