Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
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Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
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I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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