i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
sex in a hospital.. check
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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