Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
We don't watch enough power rangers
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
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