I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
