my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
