I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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