you lied. pity sex is amazing.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
