WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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