Got a toothbrush?
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
