I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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