i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
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I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
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Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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