I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
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