i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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