Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
