last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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