Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
