Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
