If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
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