Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
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