That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Randomize
