this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
