fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
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