my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
