woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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