i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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