wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Randomize
