Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
