I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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