Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
