i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
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